Showing posts with label balance sheet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label balance sheet. Show all posts

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Ouch! This is gonna hurt you more than me...

It's not just for animals...

From Harold B. of Minnesota, the word for this post is "Castration".

Harold is a college friend and his suggestion makes me worry about him. I'll be calling and making sure he's all right.

Normally, I post pictures related to the subject of the blog entry but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Castration comes in many forms and happens for many reasons: The castration of Eunuchs to protect the harems, men who go through the painful and extremely expensive sexual reassignment surgery, and of course, what women have been doing to men for centuries... just without a knife (unless your name is Bobbit).

I'm fortunate enough to be married to a wonderful woman who came from a matriarchal household. After my third date, my future mother-in-law took me aside and told me in her thick Eastern European accent "If you touch my beloved daughter, you will never salute sun again..." My wife learned from her mother and to this day, I wear a metal sporran. Castration can come in many forms.

Financially speaking, I wonder why haven't corporate boards or activist shareholders haven't castrated CEOs like Zeus upon Uranus. Corporate Boards hire CEOs with iron clad contracts as if all these fine upstanding citizens are the Michael Jordans of the business world. I'll remind everyone there is only one Michael Jordan. The closest superstar in the business world is the one and only Warren Buffett. Even Bill Gates is no Warren Buffett. Why can't we just go back to the tried and true way of pay for performance?

The only CEOs who seem to have their salaries castrated are the ones from companies which received American Tax Payer bailout money. While I haven't had much positive to say about Obama's economic wonderboy (His Royal Highness Larry Summers), I'm thrilled the Pay Tzar (with the extremely spiffy title of Special Master for Executive Compensation) Kenneth Feinberg has drastically cut 25 salaries of executives in seven companies. Maybe other companies can learn this important lesson. "He who has the gold, rules."

"Socialism! Communism! Populist Government run free enterprise!" I hear from my fellow University of Chicago free market economists. To them, I reply "Codswallop!" Once the government has to bail your sorry over-leveraged balance sheets out of the fire, you've lost all right to hold your head up high and claim free-market economics! The companies and the people involved do not deserve to have their full paychecks! The poor executives who still have jobs will have to live on a mere $5,000,000 a year. Like the rest of us they'll have to learn to shop in Wall Mart, Target and (gasp!) K-Mart! Like I tell my kids, "You broke it you pay for it!"

Financial Book of the Blog



Ranking: 3.5 Stars

Only Professors Akerlog and Schiller can take the simple of idea that worth is in the eye of the buyer and turn it into a turgid densely written tome. Still they have some good points but only people with an economics graduate degree should read this book.

Next week "Carriage Return".

Peace.
Financial Improvisor!


Tuesday, June 30, 2009

There once was a Man from Nantucket...


Before I start today's post I'd like to thank Susan K. for the suggestion of "Do Over" used in the June 21st post and Beth S. for today's word "Nantucket". Please keep sending me your suggestions.

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting.


My first thought with the word Nantucket is the little Limerick that we all know so well:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket. (Nan-took-it)
(Keep your mind out of the gutter people .... ) This 1924 limerick spawned similar ditties with the following towns; Pawtucket, Manhasset, Juneau and Cape Ann. If you have time on your hands and decide you have to know what happened to Ol' Nan, I recommend you go to Yesterday's Island at the following link --> here.

However the current condition of bank balance sheets and the word of the day reminds me of a large oil spill 25 nautical miles off of the coast of Nantucket. On December 17, 1975, the tanker Argo Merchant ran aground and spilled 7.7 million barrels of heating oil when it broke apart 4 days later. It was later determined the two helmsmen were unqualified and they had broken equipment. Sound familiar?



Bank balance sheet detox can be compared to cleaning the oil spill with a large leaky bucket while the oil burns on the high seas. Moreover, the captain (i.e. bank and other portfolio managers) complains to the clean up crew (i.e. the government) that the oil still has economic value and shouldn't be removed. The Financial Accounting Securities Board, supposedly to define the cost of the clean up like the EPA, agreed with the ship's captain and ruled only the oil already burnt will be counted towards the loss.

What we need is a Super Hero to help us in our time of need and improv provides!

Politically Correct Person: Oh my religious unspecified higher power! The Bank Balance Sheets are filled with toxic assets! I need help as collaboration and diversity will solve any problem! Calling Optimist Womyn!

Optimist Womyn: Don't worry PCP! I've informed our Government, who is always ready to help in a quick, decisive, economically efficient manner, of the situation. They are ready for change and have prepared programs with catchy acronyms to help! However, the Feds need more assistance and I've called Super Special Interest Man!!!

Politically Correct Person: Don't you mean Super Special Interest Person?

Optimist Womyn: Of course. Super Special Interest Person to the Rescue!!!

Super Special Interest Person: I've solved the problem! My policy proposal will make my constituents ...err... fellow tax payers money but it will usher in a new era of fiscal responsibility driven by self-interest ...err...umm... patriotic duty to the United States of America. My work here is done.

Optimist Womyn: A new day has arrived! We are saved! I can go and paint happy faces on my 401K statements!

Politically Correct Person: It's amazing what we can do when a diverse group put their heads together and create beautiful solutions.

Improv to the rescue!

Hope to hear your comments soon!