There once was a Man from Nantucket...

Before I start today's post I'd like to thank Susan K. for the suggestion of "Do Over" used in the June 21st post and Beth S. for today's word "Nantucket". Please keep sending me your suggestions.

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting.

My first thought with the word Nantucket is the little Limerick that we all know so well:

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket

But his daughter, named Nan,

Ran away with a man

And as for the bucket, Nantucket. (Nan-took-it)

(Keep your mind out of the gutter people .... ) This 1924 limerick spawned similar ditties with the following towns; Pawtucket, Manhasset, Juneau and Cape Ann. If you have time on your hands and decide you have to know what happened to Ol' Nan, I recommend you go to Yesterday's Island at the following link --> here.

However the current condition of bank balance sheets and the word of the day reminds me of a large oil spill 25 nautical miles off of the coast of Nantucket. On December 17, 1975, the tanker Argo Merchant ran aground and spilled 7.7 million barrels of heating oil when it broke apart 4 days later. It was later determined the two helmsmen were unqualified and they had broken equipment. Sound familiar?

Bank balance sheet detox can be compared to cleaning the oil spill with a large leaky bucket while the oil burns on the high seas. Moreover, the captain (i.e. bank and other portfolio managers) complains to the clean up crew (i.e. the government) that the oil still has economic value and shouldn't be removed. The Financial Accounting Securities Board, supposedly to define the cost of the clean up like the EPA, agreed with the ship's captain and ruled only the oil already burnt will be counted towards the loss.

What we need is a Super Hero to help us in our time of need and improv provides!

Politically Correct Person: Oh my religious unspecified higher power! The Bank Balance Sheets are filled with toxic assets! I need help as collaboration and diversity will solve any problem! Calling Optimist Womyn!

Optimist Womyn: Don't worry PCP! I've informed our Government, who is always ready to help in a quick, decisive, economically efficient manner, of the situation. They are ready for change and have prepared programs with catchy acronyms to help! However, the Feds need more assistance and I've called Super Special Interest Man!!!

Politically Correct Person: Don't you mean Super Special Interest Person?

Optimist Womyn: Of course. Super Special Interest Person to the Rescue!!!

Super Special Interest Person: I've solved the problem! My policy proposal will make my constituents ...err... fellow tax payers money but it will usher in a new era of fiscal responsibility driven by self-interest ...err...umm... patriotic duty to the United States of America. My work here is done.

Optimist Womyn: A new day has arrived! We are saved! I can go and paint happy faces on my 401K statements!

Politically Correct Person: It's amazing what we can do when a diverse group put their heads together and create beautiful solutions.

Improv to the rescue!

Hope to hear your comments soon!

Daddy, can I have a do-over?

Happy Father's day to all the fathers out there. While I can't speak about other people's families, my wife and kids needed reminding of this most noble of Hallmark holidays.

Me: Do you know what today is?

10 year old daughter: Well... It isn't my birthday. It isn't Hannukah. It isn't Purim. It isn't New Years. It isn't Thanksgiving... Can you give me a hint?

Me: It's Father's day!

10 year old daughter: [Truly Embarrassed] Can I get a do over on the question?

The Senate wishes they had a do over with Secretary "Tiny" Tim Geithner. Larry Summers wants a do over being Secretary of Treasury. Rick Wagner wants a do over of $85 Billion of losses at GM. I want a do over of college organic chemistry class which prevented me from becoming the doctor my Jewish mother always wanted me to be.

In improv as in life, there are no do-overs. The number one rule in improv is to always accept what your partner says and then add on. This idea is better known as "Yes And!" (see posting #1 for more detail).

So ... how can we apply this simple yet powerful skill? Here's a possible scenario.

President Obama: Geithner is our Treasury Secretary and he has the talent.

VP Biden: Yes and we'll enhance his toughness by water boarding him.

Senator Reid: Yes and we'll give him experimental cloned brain cells from Milton Friedman to improve his acceptability to the right.

Leader Pelosi: Yes and we'll give him leadership course from former President George W Bush to improve his ability to make bold decisions.

Director Summers: Yes and Wall Street will hire him away and I'll get his job!

The Financial Improv guy fixes all economic problems!

Too Technical, Too much and Too little??

Several readers complained, commented and whined about the level of technical jargon in my previous post.  "What is a subprime mortgage? How do they get  securitized?" they asked me. Well I could write a 500 page manifesto on this topic but there is an almost 9 minute video (staring the brilliant comics John Bird and John Fortune) which explains everything beautifully. Subprime Crisis

President Obama laid out his frame work for a more centralized more efficient financial regulation by adding two agencies and getting rid of one.  Reminds me of the Tom Lehrer's song New Math. 

I'm confused.  

I don't understand how we can achieve more government efficiency by adding another government agency to effectively regulate highly paid, highly educated, highly motivated financial wizards.  Only the supreme brain power of the University of Chicago, Harvard, Wharton, Kellogg, Stanford, Columbia, and NYU business schools could have produced this colossal systematic meltdown. The poorly paid government worker never had a chance. 

[Hint: Better pay induces wall street types to leave the sin of their profession and go to the holiness that is public service. The GS scale doesn't cut it.  You can't buy Armani on a government salary and send you kids the finest private schools.]

(And why oh why didn't they merge the SEC and the CFTC? Were they afraid of cooties?)

Well I'm reading the 85 page financial regulation manifesto and it's putting me to sleep.  

Till next time.